When on the phone with the family (sans brother)…

Me: Now that the fish died, I don’t know what to do with the empty bottle.

Mum: Throw it away lah. Or you can start collecting coloured sand or shells.

(Coloured sand?? Go where and find coloured sand?)

Me: You should come over and cook for me because I’m too lazy to cook for myself

Grandma: Then what do you eat if you don’t cook?

Me: I cook when I feel like it.

Grandma: But you have to cook to eat! If you don’t cook then you’ll come back all skinny.

Me: I must be some amazing human being, too lazy to cook but yet I still manage to return home round.

Grandma: Hahahahahaha. But you must eat, cannot return home skinny.

Me: If only losing weight were that easy. I wouldn’t but this round, Grandma.

Grandma: Round nice, skinny not nice.

Me: I am very much round.

Grandma: Remember to eat.

Me: You should come over and cook for me in November, during my exam period.

Grandma: Me go over? I’ll be so bored over there. I can’t speak the language, know anyone, or my way around.

Me: You don’t have to leave the house. You’re suppose to just stay at home and cook for me.

Grandma: Hahahaha.

Me: I’ll take you out grocery shopping, and then you can stay at home and cook for me.

Grandma: Then who’s going to pay for my air ticket?

Me: Ask mummy. (Hahahaha)

Grandma: But it’ll be so cold.

Me: It’s summer here, at the end of the year.

Grandma: Maybe next year.

Me: But there will be no next year if I don’t pass my exams!

Grandma: Isn’t next year your last year?

Me: Yes, but in order for that to happen I have to pass my exams this year to move on to the next year. So, you have to come over this November to cook for me so that I can pass my exams. (Magical Grandma cooking helps you pass your exams! Woohoo! Haha.)

Me: This is such a brilliant plan right, Grandma?? (Insert cheeky smile, which she couldn’t see)

Grandma: Wait till you come back at the end of the year and we’ll see how it goes lah.

I win. Sort of. But she’s still not coming over to cook for me 😦

Yes, I speak totally illogical nonsense to my grandmother. Some things I say to my grandmother is mind-numbingly stupid. Hehehehe.

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